Like me, you’ve probably scrolled past a meme or two highlighting the “sad” truths about becoming an adult. A lot of these posts seem to be mostly about two things: how our childhood punishments are now our adult goals or how as adults we don’t have time for anything, especially not friends or social life. Depending on the day, sometimes I’ll laugh and other times, I keep on scrolling.
Yesterday, I came across this one and it literally made me laugh-out-loud, but it wasn’t one of those “it’s funny ’cause it’s true” type of laughs and here’s why…
A very good friend of mine, one who has been in my life for over 12 years, is one of those friends who you can go from real talk to ridiculous all in the same sentence. Over the years we have talked about almost everything and anything under the sun. I am sure you’re reading this thinking, “okay, yeah we all have a friend or two like that.” And you’re not wrong. But, have you ever had an engaging and deep conversation about what friendship truly means? Can you define it? Can it be defined? What does it mean to really have a friendship with someone? I’m not trying to be philosophical here, I’m honestly asking you to think about it because I have. This friend I speak of, we’ve had this conversation, many, many times, and we continue to have this conversation again and again.
What’s crucial about these kinds of questions, and trying to define what friendship really means is how much the answers evolve. The answers aren’t universal either. What I need and how I manage or nourish one friendship doesn’t necessarily work for the others. Sure, the same basic foundations need to be there, but the level of attention, time, and communication differ. This isn’t always easy, but honestly, it’s also not that hard.
In the past I’ve had coworkers, even family members comment to me, “Wow, another (insert party/birthday/wedding/event)? You have too many friends.” Sometimes I’d laugh it off, but most of the time I’d reply, “Yeah. What a good problem to have!” No sarcasm. It is a good problem to have. I pride myself on the relationships and friendships I’ve built and maintained throughout my life. Yes, I’ve had many friends come and go, some of them for good, and some of them come back. I acknowledge that my personality can be polarizing at times, and I learned very early in life that not everyone is going to like me, and that is really okay. I also learned that you can grow out of friendships and that friendships can’t be forced. Please don’t ever force it, especially as an adult! We are all busy, and each of us has our own definition of what it means to be busy. None of us are really busier than the next person, because our perspectives and perceptions of what being “busy” means are personal.
I don’t expect my friends who just had a baby this year to have the same kind of “busy” schedule that I do or my friend who just got a promotion at his job in the city. I don’t have to worry about my relationship with these people because there is a mutual understanding of the kind of friendship we have together. Sure, we don’t see each other as often as we used to, but when we do, the conversation is meaningful and satisfying. The friendship is more than just reminiscing about old memories and stories, it’s also about sharing news and telling tales of current events that took place in our lives. Ultimately it’s about accepting and understanding that we are not the same people we were ________ years ago, nor should we be!
The point of this post wasn’t a humble brag about how great my friends and friendships are, and it wasn’t meant to make anyone reading this feel like having a lot of friends is important. What is important is having meaningful friendships. Meaningful friendships with your spouse, parents, siblings, roommates, classmates, coworkers, or whoever in your life is important to you. Also, understanding what makes that friendship meaningful to both of you. Quality over quantity!
Not that any of us should take the internet too seriously, but I am sure some of you read that meme above and the idea of entertaining or hanging out with 12 people at one time exhausted you. That’s okay. Reading that meme could have also delighted you. That’s okay too. Ultimately I hope what you take away from this post is this: friendship means different things to different people.Â
Sorry internet, I do indeed have time for friends in my 30s. It’s a choice I make and one that is a priority to me. Priorities shift from time to time, and that’s okay because sooner or later they’ll shift again.
What traits in a friendship are important to you? If you want to chat about it, I’d be happy to listen and engage in conversation!
Five Feet High Thoughts 