Tag: adulting

My Journey of Homeownership

manda_faromeiro

March 6th is a special day for my husband and I; a day that will forever be an important reminder of becoming responsible adults. On this day in 2014, my husband and I received the keys to our very first home! No more living in school residences, no more renting apartments, no more living with our parents! It’s true, on March 6th 2014 we officially became homeowners. What a magical, scary, exciting, and fascinating leap into such a common yet new journey. Let’s climb aboard the memory train and revisit the fascinating process that is buying a home…

In 2013 when my Dad suddenly passed away, there were many emotions that I was trying to process on a daily basis. Not even 6 months prior, I had just moved back home from Kingston after completing my Masters degree and was looking to start my career in the field of education. The plan was to stay at home for a bit, but my boyfriend (now husband) was going to move in with us, as we were planning to do some renovations which included finishing the basement and making a livable space down there. Picking out flooring, paint colours and planning out how to makeover some of the spaces in the house was an intriguing and exciting process. In the short time between August 2012 and February 2013, we had made considerable progress; brand new laminate flooring throughout the entire house (wow, ripping up carpet is NOT fun), updated fresh paint colours in every room, and some new furniture for the living room, dining room and kitchen. The short time we had to experience these homeownership-like tasks was preparing us for real homeownership, we just didn’t know it at the time.

Looking back at those 6 months now, it is evident to me how vital that time was in getting my husband and I ready for owning our own home. Since it was our idea to do the renovations, we had paid for all of them ourselves; scary yet necessary. We were fully prepared to stay in that house for a few years and live alongside my Dad, but still contribute to the home in the form of paying some bills, part of the mortgage etc. It really was going to be a trial period of homeownership. However, as the saying goes, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans…

My Dad’s passing in February of 2013 was complicated, and it’s still hard to find the right words to describe just what I was feeling. There are a lot of details that need to be worked out when someone passes away, and while most of that responsibility was left to my eldest brother, there was still a lot of things to figure out and decisions to be made. One of the most pressing decisions was of course, what we were going to do with the house. I won’t go into the legal matters, but basically there was a choice to be made about staying in the house or moving out. For many reasons, not just financial ones, we had decided that the best thing to do was to sell my Dad’s house and proceed with the next steps… getting pre-approved for a mortgage!

We’ve all had those moments when we’ve thought about our spending habits and have had that self-talk about needing to buckle down and put more money away for your future. All these conversations come back in one giant wave when you’re about to meet with the bank to discuss your mortgage options. Yeah, I never imagined at 25 that I would need to be sitting down to discuss a mortgage, especially since I just graduated post-secondary again and yeah, I had a lot of debt. The funny thing about going to the bank to talk about your finances is that you take yourself on a rollercoaster of emotions; at least I did. I always thought I had a good handle on my savings, spending, and was on the right track with my responsibilities — and I was and STILL am — but WOW do you ever doubt yourself when you have to talk about signing you name to an agreement with the bank for hundreds of thousands of dollars. When you finally do sit down and get the green light to spend “x” amount of dollars on your new home, the nerves simmer down a bit and the fun part can truly begin.

It didn’t take us long to determine what we really wanted in our first home, and we knew that a fixer-upper or older home wasn’t it, at least not right now. Within about a week, we had narrowed our choice down to two different new-build subdivisions: one in Innisfil and one in Alliston. Even as it was happening, the decision seemed very simple and it just felt right. On March 23rd, 2013 we officially gave our deposit and signed our papers, oh, and we also got to put that symbolic dot on the builder map; that means that lot belongs to you! Wahoo!!

For the next several months, there were many decisions to be made and while they were overwhelming at times, they were all quite exhilarating. Choosing everything from flooring to cupboards, to fixtures, to where to put those cable outlets and how high you want your breakfast bar, nothing can really prepare you for making the right decisions other than experience (coupled with some valuable and truthful advice from people who have done this before). It is fascinating to think that when all is said and done, my husband and I had a lot of choice in shaping how our house was going to turn out. Piecing together the look of your home, your very first home, was such an unforgettable experience. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I was nervous how it would all turn out, would that countertop really look good with those cupboards? This was a huge deal, and we were pouring a lot of money into this, we didn’t want to mess it up. Pride of ownership is a very real thing, and I always have high expectations for myself, so this process was no different. There were definitely times where we questioned if we made the right choices, but at the same time, when you go to a showroom and stare at tile for 3 hours they begin to all look alike; at some point you go home and a few days pass and you forget what the tile even looked like altogether. Now is not the time to panic… bahahah!

Months go by and you continue to give deposit and after deposit, and the odd time you try to drive to the subdivision to check on the progress of your home (and perhaps sneak inside-even though you’re absolutely not supposed to do this). One time (very close to my Dad’s birthday in December), we drove to go see the progress of our house. At this point, our neighbours house on the corner lot was non existent, so we pulled up and immediately our jaws dropped to the floor. All that brick and all those windows, even those doors, those were OUR bricks, OUR windows and OUR doors! I remember looking at my husband in the driver’s seat and a tear or two started to fall from my eyes. I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and that in a few months, we were going to be homeowners! All those deposits and all that money was REALLY being put towards something, and so far that something was INCREDIBLE.

The months continued to pass and the closer we got to March 6th, the more heightened the hype became. We were able to do a complete walkthrough of our home to ensure that all the appropriate items we had requested (and paid extra for in some cases) were included. We also had to do a thorough check to make sure that nothing was forgotten (like a waterline for the refrigerator, for example). Before we knew it, it was days before we were set to get the keys. Anyone who has ever bought a home from a builder before can tell you that sometimes your home won’t close on time. Sometimes there are delays with materials or the work in finalizing everything for your home. Luckily, when March 6th arrived and we received a call from our lawyer, the keys were ready to be retrieved and we could officially step through the doors of our very first home!

When I reflect on all the steps it took getting to that day, I cannot help but feel immense appreciation and humility. My husband and I always understood that not everyone has the privilege of being able to buy a home, yet alone a brand new build; especially in their mid-20s and in today’s society. We are very lucky and blessed. With that being said, there is also a part of us that knows we worked very hard to get to where we are today, and due to some unfortunate circumstances, had to make some big decisions in such little time; all of these factor into how our life takes its shape. Since moving into our home in 2014 we have had the opportunity to celebrate many of life’s milestones and special moments here: our engagement, getting ready the morning of our wedding, birthdays, anniversaries, halloween parties, gatherings with friends and family, introducing new furry family members and so much more!

As we sat at the dinner table this evening, my husband and I discussed some of our first memories of walking into our home for the very first time. It is remarkable how quickly 5 years can go by, yet so much has happened. Not a day goes by where we don’t take a moment and think about how much we value being homeowners, no matter how stressful or uncertain it can be sometimes. We continue to take pride in our ownership and make our house a home built for us. Whether it’s what decor sits in each room, the paint colours, the backsplash for the kitchen, or completely finishing our basement into a pretty wicked hangout space, we’ve really enjoyed every part of the journey. Oh, and so much learning along the way…

Since 2017, I have been working alongside my brother and sister-in-law in Real Estate and have learned so much more about home ownership, housing, buying vs renting, and many other real estate topics. While there is still always things to learn, I am even more thankful for having the opportunity to work alongside them because it has allowed me to be more critical in my thinking and decisions about my own home and potential homes in the future. In addition, having people you love and trust who are also super knowledgeable makes everything much better. I can say with confidence that my understanding of owning a home (and all it’s steps/processes) is on the rise with each passing month and experience, and for this I am ever appreciative.

“A House is Made of Walls & Beams, A Home is Made of Love & Dreams”

I’m Really Not A Morning Person and That’s Okay.

manda_faromeiro

You’ve heard it before, and so have I. Yep. I’ve read many articles and have received much advice from adults and teachers and responsible people alike about the benefits of getting up early and why people who wake up earlier tend to be more productive. I also know there are counter-arguments on this topic, and while I am not here to debate the pros and cons of waking up early, I am here to share my own insights on why I myself will never be a morning person, and why I am totally okay with this.

I am sure you’ve all met those people who might be coined as “Nighthawks,” those individuals who rather than getting up early in the morning, sleep in and stay up very late into the later hours (after 11pm). My brother and I had an interesting conversation about this recently, and how we both are firm believers that sometimes you’re just wired a certain way and how some of us will never be those early birds. I know habits and routines can change, and I even had a period a few years ago where I was getting up at 6:30 am every day for work, and honestly, I really hated it. Even getting up for school in the morning was dreadful, if it happened before 7:45 am.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been the most productive in the evenings. When I was in high school, in addition to after-school sports and clubs, I also had a job. This meant that at least 3 school nights a week, I wasn’t getting home until 9:30 pm. Of course, I had to then start my homework, have a shower, and possibly have some leisure/downtime if time allowed. Basically, I wasn’t going to bed before midnight unless my school workload was lightened. Completing my homework so late wasn’t ever a drag for me, and I always found I had this burst of energy after coming home from work. It seemed that my most creative thoughts and ideas would come about after dark, and my concentration was at an all-time high. I attribute this to many things.

After being at school for 6 or so hours and focusing all day long, it is important to give your brain a break. For me, these breaks included going to work, but also participating in activities like sports or drama club, or even hanging out with my friends. My parents were pretty lenient in that they always understood that we always got our homework done, so finishing our homework before going out with friends wasn’t a necessary rule in our house. My parents knew that if I didn’t get home until the evening, or if I had friends come over, my homework would get done regardless. I have always had strong organizational/time management skills so trying to find a work/school/social life balance never was hard for me. Having a few hours break between after school and homework time allowed my brain to focus better on completing those tasks and thinking about what material I learned throughout the day. For those days where I had nothing going on after school, I still found myself not working on any homework until well after supper; the only exception to this was group projects or studying for tests or exams.

Some of you are probably reading this thinking, no teenager likes getting up early in the morning, so what? Well, for me, this wasn’t just a phase of puberty. I really liked to work in the evening and into the night. When I went off to university, 8:30 am classes were hell for me. I tried so hard to get into routines of waking up at the same time every day, going to bed at the same time every night, planning activities for the morning, leaving sections of time in the morning to ease myself into waking up earlier, but nothing was sticking. I went through a phase where I would work on any readings, essays or projects in the morning and earlier part of the day so that my evenings could be free. This was met with limited success. I found myself taking almost twice as long to get anything done, compared to when I would start after 6pm. Finally, I stopped fighting it and started listening to what my internal clock was telling me; my brain worked best late in the day.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much more work I got done in university once I completely accepted that my brain’s primetime was after supper hours and that this didn’t need to change. Yes, I’m not going to lie, there were quite a few 8:30 am classes that I outright missed or slept through, and while I struggled not to feel guilty about missing school (nerd alert), I found that getting up later, catching up on content via the textbook with the aid of my friends’ notes, was more productive for me than sitting in the classroom listening to my professor talk for 1.5 hours straight first thing in the morning. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I hate mornings, but I am not the best version of myself in the morning. It’s not that I can’t function as a person before 10 am, because I can, but I am at my most productive, enthusiastic and happy later in the day.

As I mentioned briefly above, at my old job, I had to wake up for work at 6:30am every day. I only worked 20 minutes away, so commuting wasn’t ever a real concern. A full school year went by under this schedule and it never got any easier. Sometimes I enjoyed finishing work at 4:30 instead of 6pm or later, but any chance I had to switch to a later shift, I would jump on it in an instant. I recognize that while I am a very talkative and happy person in general, I am not this person in the morning. Waking up in the morning is a process for me. I need time to process the alarm going off (sometimes 3 or 4 or 5 times) and getting the day started. I recognize that if I need to be “out of bed” by 7am that I really should start my alarm at 6:30 so that I have intervals to seize the day and get out of bed. I bet some people are reading this thinking how terrible this is for me and how much worse it is to set so many alarms, and while science probably agrees with you, this method is honestly what works for me. I don’t drink coffee, and while many have suggested this would help me to wake up, I don’t want to rely on caffeine to keep me alert. Instead, I take my time waking up. At my old job, I was required to be “on” early in the morning. Working with children, you don’t really get the chance to sit and be calm in the morning, you have to be all in; this means you’ve got to be talking, interacting, sharing ideas, playing, asking questions, and helping them learn new concepts and ideas. While some of the kids definitely made getting up earlier a little easier, I always found my afternoon classes ran much better because I was more alert and seemed to have the most creative ideas for projects and activities.

Taking the time to “wake up” was and still is an interesting concept to me because while I do need time to ease into the morning, I also cannot have a morning that drags on. Basically, I need to wake up with just the right amount of time to get dressed, get makeup on, maybe eat breakfast at home (or stop on the way to work) and that’s pretty much it. Any other lull in time tends to make the process of being alert and ready for the day that much longer. In general, I enjoy being busy so I think this is a good reason for it, but also focusing on all the things I have to do for the day kicks my brain into gear. The drive to work is a good time for me to become more awake and ready to conquer the day too, even if its only 15 or 20 minutes, it allows me to not have to engage in conversation, but ease into listening to some music or a podcast and get ready for whatever interactions I might be met with for the day. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I’m not productive at work in the morning, I can definitely be when I need to be, but if you want me at my best, most creative, insightful and delightful, perhaps come engage with me around lunchtime?

Now that I am 30 and can’t hide from being an adult and all the responsibilities that come with it, sometimes I can’t help but feel the societal pressure to become a morning person and seize the day as early as possible, because how can you really be an “adult” if you struggle to get up before 8 am? Well, it used to bother me. When I graduated and started my career I used to think there was something wrong with me because I still hated to (and struggled to) get up early. I thought that eventually, I would get used to waking up early and going to bed at a “decent” hour, which I think is before 10 pm? People still remind me that sleeping until 7:30 or 8 or 8:30 is too late for an adult, especially because I don’t work a job that requires me to work until 1 am or whatever late night shift, but I don’t know what else to say other than it’s just the way I am. I no longer worry about being a late riser, it doesn’t bother me, despite those who want to make me feel bad about it. I accept that I am not a morning person, nor do I want to be. Sure, I’ll wake up early when I need to (work, making an appointment, catching a flight, or when it’s better to do so (like when on vacation or a trip) but my preference is still late evenings over mornings.

Understanding my own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to getting up early was and still is a work in progress. As I said, there are times that call for early mornings, and it’s not as though I am totally unbearable when I do have to get up early, but I thrive in the later parts of the day. I can get up early if I need to, and all “fine, but I’m going to complain the whole time” jokes aside, the mindset is a key factor here. Being an early riser is doable, and for me, it just needs to have a purpose and needs to feel fulfilling. If I can say with confidence that waking up earlier than my normal is necessary because ______________, then I won’t dread it as much. Mindset is also relative to mood. Maybe a contributing factor to dreading those 6:30 am work mornings was attributed to something about my job? Maybe not?

It is quite an interesting rabbit hole to crawl into, but for now, how about a nap?

Just kidding! Thanks for reading.

The Internet Keeps Telling Me I Don’t Have Time for Friends After 30.

manda_faromeiro

Like me, you’ve probably scrolled past a meme or two highlighting the “sad” truths about becoming an adult. A lot of these posts seem to be mostly about two things: how our childhood punishments are now our adult goals or how as adults we don’t have time for anything, especially not friends or social life. Depending on the day, sometimes I’ll laugh and other times, I keep on scrolling.

Yesterday, I came across this one and it literally made me laugh-out-loud, but it wasn’t one of those “it’s funny ’cause it’s true” type of laughs and here’s why…

A very good friend of mine, one who has been in my life for over 12 years, is one of those friends who you can go from real talk to ridiculous all in the same sentence. Over the years we have talked about almost everything and anything under the sun. I am sure you’re reading this thinking, “okay, yeah we all have a friend or two like that.” And you’re not wrong. But, have you ever had an engaging and deep conversation about what friendship truly means? Can you define it? Can it be defined? What does it mean to really have a friendship with someone? I’m not trying to be philosophical here, I’m honestly asking you to think about it because I have. This friend I speak of, we’ve had this conversation, many, many times, and we continue to have this conversation again and again.

What’s crucial about these kinds of questions, and trying to define what friendship really means is how much the answers evolve. The answers aren’t universal either. What I need and how I manage or nourish one friendship doesn’t necessarily work for the others. Sure, the same basic foundations need to be there, but the level of attention, time, and communication differ. This isn’t always easy, but honestly, it’s also not that hard.

In the past I’ve had coworkers, even family members comment to me, “Wow, another (insert party/birthday/wedding/event)? You have too many friends.” Sometimes I’d laugh it off, but most of the time I’d reply, “Yeah. What a good problem to have!” No sarcasm. It is a good problem to have. I pride myself on the relationships and friendships I’ve built and maintained throughout my life. Yes, I’ve had many friends come and go, some of them for good, and some of them come back. I acknowledge that my personality can be polarizing at times, and I learned very early in life that not everyone is going to like me, and that is really okay. I also learned that you can grow out of friendships and that friendships can’t be forced. Please don’t ever force it, especially as an adult! We are all busy, and each of us has our own definition of what it means to be busy. None of us are really busier than the next person, because our perspectives and perceptions of what being “busy” means are personal.

I don’t expect my friends who just had a baby this year to have the same kind of “busy” schedule that I do or my friend who just got a promotion at his job in the city. I don’t have to worry about my relationship with these people because there is a mutual understanding of the kind of friendship we have together. Sure, we don’t see each other as often as we used to, but when we do, the conversation is meaningful and satisfying. The friendship is more than just reminiscing about old memories and stories, it’s also about sharing news and telling tales of current events that took place in our lives. Ultimately it’s about accepting and understanding that we are not the same people we were ________ years ago, nor should we be!

The point of this post wasn’t a humble brag about how great my friends and friendships are, and it wasn’t meant to make anyone reading this feel like having a lot of friends is important. What is important is having meaningful friendships. Meaningful friendships with your spouse, parents, siblings, roommates, classmates, coworkers, or whoever in your life is important to you. Also, understanding what makes that friendship meaningful to both of you. Quality over quantity!

Not that any of us should take the internet too seriously, but I am sure some of you read that meme above and the idea of entertaining or hanging out with 12 people at one time exhausted you. That’s okay. Reading that meme could have also delighted you. That’s okay too. Ultimately I hope what you take away from this post is this: friendship means different things to different people. 

Sorry internet, I do indeed have time for friends in my 30s. It’s a choice I make and one that is a priority to me. Priorities shift from time to time, and that’s okay because sooner or later they’ll shift again.

What traits in a friendship are important to you? If you want to chat about it, I’d be happy to listen and engage in conversation!