Tag: thinking out loud

The Power of Music

manda_faromeiro

We’ve all had those moments in the car or at home, or even at a party or event where we hear that song and right away we are overcome with memories and emotions; usually about a particular event, time in our life, or perhaps a particular person. More often than not in my own experience, these moments are happy ones that make me smile, laugh, reminisce and even think fondly of the people who are part of those memories. For me (and I am sure most people agree), music has the power to evoke emotion and change my mood, always for the better. The cliche is true in that music is therapy, and lately, I’ve had some artists on repeat (ad nauseam) because I have been thinking about certain people in my life lately and also some specific memories. Thus, I am dedicating this post to some of my favourite artists and will shed some light on what comes to mind when I hear any of their tracks.

Coldplay
Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Coldplay, ever since Parachutes was released in 2000 and I was only 12 years old. Coldplay’s music ignites my soul in a way that no other artist can. When Coldplay is blasting through the speakers, more often than not, I am singing along; belting out the lyrics with passion and emotion. For me, Coldplay holds a special place in my heart for many reasons as their music is tied to many memories and moments in my life with the most important people in my life. Most prominently, I have the best Coldplay associated memories with my husband. Our first dance at our wedding was In My Place off of their A Rush of Blood to the Head album; a song that he also played for me on guitar on our prom night, and the night he proposed to me on my birthday. Our first concert together was Coldplay, and we always listened to Coldplay on our dates when we were hanging out. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, so many of the lines about love resonate with my love for him. I’ve also had some great memories associated with Coldplay’s music with my best friend and a few other close friends too. Some songs have gotten me through some trying times emotionally and life-changing events, other songs are instant joy-boosters for me. Some of my favourite tracks include Don’t Panic, Violet Hill, Fix You, Viva La Vida, The Scientist, The Hardest Part, Every Tear Drop is a Waterfall, Hymn for the Weekend, Everything’s Not Lost, Talk, Ink, and Charlie Brown. I could list so many more, but that’s just a start.

Linkin Park
As I mentioned in my Fashion post, I went through a stage as a teenager where I was very much a skater kid, and with that phase came my introduction to punk and (heavier) rock. Hybrid Theory was, and still is, one of my favourite albums (and in my opinion, the best LP album released- yep Jeffery that is directed to you!). I wasn’t emo (for those who don’t know, look it up) but listening to LP sure let me get out any anger or frustrations I may have been harbouring. I never considered myself to be sad, upset, misunderstood or even angry as a teenager, I have always been quite joyful and happy so I wasn’t listening to LP thinking about all my pain and suffering. In fact, I only have one sad memory associated with Linkin Park, and it has to do with when my cat, Tyson passed away. The day we had to rush him to the vet and put him to rest due to his cancer was the same day that I was going to see Linkin Park in concert. I picked up my friend from the bus station and I actually couldn’t find the words to tell him what had just happened earlier that day. Right away he could tell something was wrong, but I couldn’t talk about it. I contemplated not even going to the concert that night but I knew in my heart that going to the show would be very therapeutic for me and there were songs I absolutely need to hear to align with how I was feeling in that moment. Eventually, I was able to share the news about what had just happened, and hearing those LP songs alongside my best friend really helped. So apart from this one memory, I listen to Linkin Park when I am in the mood for a “happy rage;” a phrase actually coined by me and that same friend who I attended the concert with. When Chester took his life in 2017, it really saddened me. It was the same pain you feel when an important person in your life dies. I know that his death affected me so much because LP was such a part of my teenage life, that it was as though a piece of me was damaged and couldn’t ever be repaired. Some of my favourite tracks include Papercut, Points of Authority, With You, Somewhere I Belong, Faint, Bleed it Out, What I’ve Done, Burn it Down, Iridescent, and Guilty All the Same.

Hall & Oates/Huey Lewis and the News
For the last several years I have been obsessed with 80s music, and obsessed is putting it lightly. I’ve always had an appreciation for “oldies music” – music that came before my time- because growing up with older brothers will do that to you – but also because some of the music out there lately is crap. Oh did I really just say that? Bahaha. Anyway, two of my friends and I have been so into 80s music lately it has consumed our chats and playlists whenever we are together, and yes, we’ve started sending 45-second lip-syncing clips to each other; dare I say we are at the 140+ videos mark? Simply the best! Whenever I hear anything from these two artists, I am instantly in a great mood. These songs remind me of so many special times, like Hydra Wine nights, road tripping to Myrtle Beach, and my friend’s wedding day. I love how timeless these artists are, and I never tire of their songs! Some of my favourite tracks are You Make My Dreams, Kiss on my List, Out of Touch, Man Eater, Private Eyes, The Power of Love, Do You Believe in Love, Stuck with You and If This is It … and I could go on and on!

Before I let this post go on forever and ever, I have to touch on a few songs that hold a special place in my heart because they remind me of my Dad. Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll is one song that is flooded with memories of my Dad. I recall many truck rides where this song would come on and my Dad and I would be singing along together with the music blasting out the rolled-down truck windows. At every wedding we attended as a family, this song always got my Dad up out of his seat to dance and the dance floor became like a karaoke stage. Jumping Jack Flash and Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones always remind of my Dad for similar reasons to Seger’s hit. American Pie was a song that my Dad played on repeat and always reminded me that it would never lose meaning or get forgotten. One time when my Dad was driving me up to North Bay, we talked for almost two hours straight about what some of these songs meant to him growing up and how they made him feel. What was extra special about this conversation is that my Dad and I didn’t have these types of conversations often; my Dad didn’t open up much, and while we were close when he was still alive, we never had deep conversations like these. Thus, I always think of him whenever I hear these songs.

Because music is so universal, it can be quite fascinating to talk to others about the genres and artists that influence you and flood your heart and soul with memories. We all evolve with time, and sometimes our music tastes change too. Writing this blog and thinking about the music that moves me has been quite an enjoyable experience; it solidifies to me how important some moments are to my life and hearing the songs instantly takes me back to those places in time. What a fascinating experience!

What are some of your favourite musicians or groups? I would love to hear about them in the comments!

Engaging Next Level Friendship

manda_faromeiro

We’ve all experienced it, often without realizing. That pivotal, official moment when we realize that we have found a friend for keeps. Friendship is such a fascinating concept. Some people use the word “friend” more loosely than others. What does it mean to call someone a friend? Is it just someone you see at group get-togethers? Is it someone you call, text or keep in contact with often?

I have always believed in different levels and tiers of friendship. Sure, I have those people in my life that I only see a few times a year or those people whom I only hang out within a group setting, but I seldom call these people my friends. I have had the unfortunate experience, like I am sure everyone has at least once in their life, of believing that some people were my friends, and they turned out not to be for many reasons. I learned early on that you won’t always get the same effort, love, or attention that you give. We aren’t meant to be best friends or even good friends with everyone in our life. In fact, different relationships serve different purposes. Not every friend is going to be that go-to person we tell everything to, or that we know we can always have fun with regardless of what we are (or are not) doing. There are those friends that we are only going to see at group gatherings because that’s the only time that they show up, or they live far away and it’s hard to find time to hang out. Sometimes, and perhaps more often than we realize, our friendships are not equal. Friendships are not 50/50, nor can they be. We all need different things from our social interactions, engagements and our friendships. When I said above that I learned the hard way about believing people were my friends, when it turned out they weren’t, I wasn’t referring to something they might have done once that was unforgivable to me, I am talking about those friends that you really invest in emotionally, give your time to, are there for them when they are really down and out, and they repay you with unanswered calls, text messages, and never having any time for you. About 5 years ago, I really started eliminating these people from my life, and it was a really great feeling. I spent more time investing in those who were around often, checked up on me often, and really listened when I had something to say. I started thinking more deeply and paying attention to the little things they had done and realized that there was always one event, one act, one moment when that person really proved they care for you a lot; next level friendship mode was engaged…

Now, the real reason I got inspired for this blog post was that I was thinking about a friend of mine who has a birthday coming up soon. I have known this person for a long time and considered myself to be friends with him for many years (since the end of high school in fact, which was 2005/2006). We hung out frequently, had good conversations and laughs, and yes, I really became friends with him first off because he was best friends with my boyfriend (now husband) but I enjoyed his company, always. While we seemed to mostly hang out together in small or large groups, I never doubted that he was my friend. As I said, we had good conversations, had things in common, and it was never dull or awkward to hang out. We did have deep conversations with meaning and our friendship was evolving with time, as all friendships should. Our relationship was great. So when did I know for sure that he was truly a friend for keeps? After all, it’s not like he was going anywhere, he and my husband had been best friends since elementary school, so he was going to be in my life forever.

In 2018 this friend was getting married, and as mentioned in other posts, my husband was the Best Man and I was the Matron of Honour. When we were first asked to be in their wedding party, we accepted with joy, honour, excitement, pride and without any hesitation. When it came time for us to sit down and write out our speech for the wedding night, I had the chance to reflect on my relationship with both the bride and groom as separate individuals. As we sat and talked over the kinds of moments we would touch upon in our speech it became very evident to me, almost as though I was hit in the face with a brogue kick (wrestling reference). I knew that the groom was truly a friend for keeps because of an event that took place in the summer of 2011.

In June of 2011, I graduated from university for the first time. I completed my honours degree and my teaching degree but would embark on a new educational adventure in September when I was beginning my graduate program at Queens. Of course, there was much prep involved before starting school in a new city and it was a process. Being an organized person helped to keep me sane and made things a lot easier. There was an opportunity for me to retrieve my keys for my new apartment a month earlier than I was scheduled to move in, and being that I was working almost every day of the summer to save up for school, I had to take the first day off I could to try and get as many things moved up there as possible. It was very last minute and honestly, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be able to drop everything and help me so last minute; I just assumed I was going to take a carload of things to my new apartment all by myself and that was okay.

A few days before I was going to leave, this friend had texted us to see when we were free to hang out next. I expressed that I only had one day off and that I was going to be gone all day that day because I was moving up some stuff to Kingston. Without hesitation, my friend asked if I wanted some help or needed the company for the drive. I explained that I would be gone all day long so I wouldn’t want to take his whole day, as I didn’t have a planned end time to be home. He insisted on coming to help, and said he didn’t care how many pieces of Ikea furniture he had to assemble, he would be happy to come along. So we were set to go…

The drive to Kingston was the first time he and I had ever been alone together in the car, and while that makes some people uneasy, I was delighted to have that time to get to talk with him 1:1 and have his company. The drive was about 3.5 hours one way, and we bonded over car karaoke and various discussions about life, love and anything else you could think of! I really quite enjoyed the time in the car, and the whole day was filled with fond memories and moments. I was able to show him around Kingston, and we were able to get a lot of my stuff moved in and assembled for my new apartment. What I remember most was talking about the things we had never before; stories of growing up, past relationships and friendships, and future life goals. We talked for hours, not just because we had to, but the conversations kept flowing. He was such a tremendous help with moving, and I had learned so much about him that I never knew before. When we finally left to go home it was very late, but we continued to talk, laugh and crack jokes. It was a very special moment that I am tremendously thankful for. By offering his free time and day to me, he was really offering me so much more.

This experience was when our friendship levelled up and I knew that no matter the circumstance or situation, I could rely on him as a friend; not just because I was dating his best friend, but because we were friends too. Now we have been friends for about 14 years, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He and his wife are two of the closest friends my husband and I have, and we adore both of them so much. Thinking about that day in Kingston sparks great conversation and reflection on my relationships with those I adore and love: when was that moment when our friendship engaged to the next level?

If you’re reading this thinking about your own relationships and trying to pinpoint that pivotal moment in a friendship or relationship you have with someone, I encourage you to talk to that person about it. You might find that when they engaged “next level friendship” might be a different time, place and event than yours. It can lead to some really fascinating and meaningful conversation! Just like in video games, you unlock so many cool things when you level up.

So to my friend reading this, if you do, thank you for all your friendship (and for building that Ikea dresser with me; even if we assembled the drawer the wrong way!) Bahaha.

I’m Really Not A Morning Person and That’s Okay.

manda_faromeiro

You’ve heard it before, and so have I. Yep. I’ve read many articles and have received much advice from adults and teachers and responsible people alike about the benefits of getting up early and why people who wake up earlier tend to be more productive. I also know there are counter-arguments on this topic, and while I am not here to debate the pros and cons of waking up early, I am here to share my own insights on why I myself will never be a morning person, and why I am totally okay with this.

I am sure you’ve all met those people who might be coined as “Nighthawks,” those individuals who rather than getting up early in the morning, sleep in and stay up very late into the later hours (after 11pm). My brother and I had an interesting conversation about this recently, and how we both are firm believers that sometimes you’re just wired a certain way and how some of us will never be those early birds. I know habits and routines can change, and I even had a period a few years ago where I was getting up at 6:30 am every day for work, and honestly, I really hated it. Even getting up for school in the morning was dreadful, if it happened before 7:45 am.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been the most productive in the evenings. When I was in high school, in addition to after-school sports and clubs, I also had a job. This meant that at least 3 school nights a week, I wasn’t getting home until 9:30 pm. Of course, I had to then start my homework, have a shower, and possibly have some leisure/downtime if time allowed. Basically, I wasn’t going to bed before midnight unless my school workload was lightened. Completing my homework so late wasn’t ever a drag for me, and I always found I had this burst of energy after coming home from work. It seemed that my most creative thoughts and ideas would come about after dark, and my concentration was at an all-time high. I attribute this to many things.

After being at school for 6 or so hours and focusing all day long, it is important to give your brain a break. For me, these breaks included going to work, but also participating in activities like sports or drama club, or even hanging out with my friends. My parents were pretty lenient in that they always understood that we always got our homework done, so finishing our homework before going out with friends wasn’t a necessary rule in our house. My parents knew that if I didn’t get home until the evening, or if I had friends come over, my homework would get done regardless. I have always had strong organizational/time management skills so trying to find a work/school/social life balance never was hard for me. Having a few hours break between after school and homework time allowed my brain to focus better on completing those tasks and thinking about what material I learned throughout the day. For those days where I had nothing going on after school, I still found myself not working on any homework until well after supper; the only exception to this was group projects or studying for tests or exams.

Some of you are probably reading this thinking, no teenager likes getting up early in the morning, so what? Well, for me, this wasn’t just a phase of puberty. I really liked to work in the evening and into the night. When I went off to university, 8:30 am classes were hell for me. I tried so hard to get into routines of waking up at the same time every day, going to bed at the same time every night, planning activities for the morning, leaving sections of time in the morning to ease myself into waking up earlier, but nothing was sticking. I went through a phase where I would work on any readings, essays or projects in the morning and earlier part of the day so that my evenings could be free. This was met with limited success. I found myself taking almost twice as long to get anything done, compared to when I would start after 6pm. Finally, I stopped fighting it and started listening to what my internal clock was telling me; my brain worked best late in the day.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much more work I got done in university once I completely accepted that my brain’s primetime was after supper hours and that this didn’t need to change. Yes, I’m not going to lie, there were quite a few 8:30 am classes that I outright missed or slept through, and while I struggled not to feel guilty about missing school (nerd alert), I found that getting up later, catching up on content via the textbook with the aid of my friends’ notes, was more productive for me than sitting in the classroom listening to my professor talk for 1.5 hours straight first thing in the morning. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I hate mornings, but I am not the best version of myself in the morning. It’s not that I can’t function as a person before 10 am, because I can, but I am at my most productive, enthusiastic and happy later in the day.

As I mentioned briefly above, at my old job, I had to wake up for work at 6:30am every day. I only worked 20 minutes away, so commuting wasn’t ever a real concern. A full school year went by under this schedule and it never got any easier. Sometimes I enjoyed finishing work at 4:30 instead of 6pm or later, but any chance I had to switch to a later shift, I would jump on it in an instant. I recognize that while I am a very talkative and happy person in general, I am not this person in the morning. Waking up in the morning is a process for me. I need time to process the alarm going off (sometimes 3 or 4 or 5 times) and getting the day started. I recognize that if I need to be “out of bed” by 7am that I really should start my alarm at 6:30 so that I have intervals to seize the day and get out of bed. I bet some people are reading this thinking how terrible this is for me and how much worse it is to set so many alarms, and while science probably agrees with you, this method is honestly what works for me. I don’t drink coffee, and while many have suggested this would help me to wake up, I don’t want to rely on caffeine to keep me alert. Instead, I take my time waking up. At my old job, I was required to be “on” early in the morning. Working with children, you don’t really get the chance to sit and be calm in the morning, you have to be all in; this means you’ve got to be talking, interacting, sharing ideas, playing, asking questions, and helping them learn new concepts and ideas. While some of the kids definitely made getting up earlier a little easier, I always found my afternoon classes ran much better because I was more alert and seemed to have the most creative ideas for projects and activities.

Taking the time to “wake up” was and still is an interesting concept to me because while I do need time to ease into the morning, I also cannot have a morning that drags on. Basically, I need to wake up with just the right amount of time to get dressed, get makeup on, maybe eat breakfast at home (or stop on the way to work) and that’s pretty much it. Any other lull in time tends to make the process of being alert and ready for the day that much longer. In general, I enjoy being busy so I think this is a good reason for it, but also focusing on all the things I have to do for the day kicks my brain into gear. The drive to work is a good time for me to become more awake and ready to conquer the day too, even if its only 15 or 20 minutes, it allows me to not have to engage in conversation, but ease into listening to some music or a podcast and get ready for whatever interactions I might be met with for the day. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I’m not productive at work in the morning, I can definitely be when I need to be, but if you want me at my best, most creative, insightful and delightful, perhaps come engage with me around lunchtime?

Now that I am 30 and can’t hide from being an adult and all the responsibilities that come with it, sometimes I can’t help but feel the societal pressure to become a morning person and seize the day as early as possible, because how can you really be an “adult” if you struggle to get up before 8 am? Well, it used to bother me. When I graduated and started my career I used to think there was something wrong with me because I still hated to (and struggled to) get up early. I thought that eventually, I would get used to waking up early and going to bed at a “decent” hour, which I think is before 10 pm? People still remind me that sleeping until 7:30 or 8 or 8:30 is too late for an adult, especially because I don’t work a job that requires me to work until 1 am or whatever late night shift, but I don’t know what else to say other than it’s just the way I am. I no longer worry about being a late riser, it doesn’t bother me, despite those who want to make me feel bad about it. I accept that I am not a morning person, nor do I want to be. Sure, I’ll wake up early when I need to (work, making an appointment, catching a flight, or when it’s better to do so (like when on vacation or a trip) but my preference is still late evenings over mornings.

Understanding my own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to getting up early was and still is a work in progress. As I said, there are times that call for early mornings, and it’s not as though I am totally unbearable when I do have to get up early, but I thrive in the later parts of the day. I can get up early if I need to, and all “fine, but I’m going to complain the whole time” jokes aside, the mindset is a key factor here. Being an early riser is doable, and for me, it just needs to have a purpose and needs to feel fulfilling. If I can say with confidence that waking up earlier than my normal is necessary because ______________, then I won’t dread it as much. Mindset is also relative to mood. Maybe a contributing factor to dreading those 6:30 am work mornings was attributed to something about my job? Maybe not?

It is quite an interesting rabbit hole to crawl into, but for now, how about a nap?

Just kidding! Thanks for reading.